Day 271: You’re just less orderly

After someone passes away, it just isn’t spoken of. Sure a week or so in everyone sends that person’s loved ones their condolences and is careful not to step on any toes around you, but after that week or two – that grace period- ends you are expected to pick back up and have all your pieces of the puzzle put back together again just the way they were before. People don’t talk about it, and are expected to move on and live life like nothing ever happened. Nobody talks about that pang of hurt and pain that hits them when they see something that reminds them of that loved one. Nobody tries to explain the loss of speech that happens when the familiar scent of their loved one trails across their nose. Nobody admits to feeling loss on the date of their loved one’s birthday or the holidays that pass that their relative will no longer be taking a part in. The family traditions that will have to go on minus one. Nobody dares to mention the truth that while in the midst of laughing at a joke they’re suddenly silent because something or someone has brought back the memory of the one they love. Nobody admits to crying and hoping that person is truly in a better place after the fact. Beforehand sure. Everyone talks about how God is waiting for them and how the angels are going to take them in their arms and protect them from all evils. But what about after? And what about people… people like me… who don’t really know what they believe in? What about them? What comfort do they get? All they know is that one month their grandmother was there with them, and the next they have disappeared into the abyss and may or may not be resting in the arms of angels and watching over them.

I guess you could say that I am still waiting for a sign to tell me what the right thing to believe in is, but for now I believe in what I know to be 100% true and irrefutable. I believe in science and logic. I believe in friends that will stand by you when you are at your ultimate low point. I believe in the genuinely kind hearts that touch my world and shake it up for a day with the kindness they share in a mere five seconds sometimes. I believe in the tears that are shed even years after someone passes because once someone has touched your life in such a way that can and will never be forgotten. I believe in the strength that we gain in realizing that life still goes on and that the world still turns without this person around. I believe that energy is neither created nor destroyed, and I believe that without understanding true pain and hurt we would never be able to understand the feeling of true love.

Ya know what I say? Ask that girl out on that date. Call up your mom just because to tell her you love her. Give that cousin you haven’t talked to in a year a phone call just to catch up. Talk about that hurt. Don’t always just paint a smile. Because life really is too short. Make the best of what you have, and don’t spend too much time being down because for every minute of sadness, you lose 60 seconds of happiness. Cry when you are sad- don’t ignore those feelings. Be true to yourself, but also remind yourself that there are good things in the world too, and that everything happens for a reason. Whatever you do, don’t forget to smile. 

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