Day 127: This is the part where…

Today my grandmother told me that I was one of her three best friends. I wanted cry on the spot. It’s such a shame that she is having to go through all of this. It’s crazy how fast this has all come along. Just a month ago (if that) she seemed perfectly healthy. Then she was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and now you can just see the ware in her face and body. Now she can’t even walk across the room on her own. It’s crazy how fast things can change. The picture below is of me and my three cousins that I grew up with on my mom’s side. She keeps them on her bedside table, and it’s obvious how much we mean to her.

I guess this is the part where most people question God and how if one exists he (or she) could do such a thing. Could let such injustice happen. For me, that’s not exactly the case. I don’t know how I feel about the whole God thing. Maybe one does exist. Maybe the big bang theory is the truth. Who am I to make such an ambiguous decision that I have no certainty in? Anyways, that’s not what this is about. For me, this is the part where I do everything I can to take things day by day. This is the part where I observe those around me and learn more about others and myself by observing interactions and reactions to such a horrific fate. This is the part where I accept the world for what it is-sometimes a cruel and unfair place- and the part where I do everything I can to spite that universe. The part where I smile even when rocks are being thrown in my direction, and the part where I hold my steady stride regardless of the current state of things. The part where I make a point to view this as an opportunity to test my strength and make happy memories instead of sad ones. This is the part where I don’t let anything get me down. This is the part where I become so angry and fierce that I very possibly cry with confusion, but only for a minute. This is the part where I pull myself up off of the ground, dust myself off, and finish strong because that’s what’s best for everyone right now. This is the part where I refuse to let selfish tears ruin my days. It’s the part where smiles are proven to turn the world right back side up.

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